In the 2½ weeks since I last posted quite a lot has has happened. On the positive side I had my first visit to the local day hospice as a day patient and it was really relaxing. While I was there they gave me a turbo bath. I can’t manage a bath at at home, I can only have a shower with assistance so getting a turbo bath was something I found soothing and good for my skin because I was able to add bath oil to help with the flaky dryness caused by the cancer and my drug cocktail. The group on the day I go is mixed and it felt upbeat, too, no downer moments. One guy brought wine to go with the terrific lunch they provided that he shared but, unfortunately, I had to decline for fear of throwing up or dropping off to sleep.
On the negative side, two days after the hospice visit my pain got so bad that I was admitted to hospital again where I spent 5 days. They got my pain back under control but not soon enough so I could get to week 2 of the hospice. The main reason I was admitted was excruciating pain but I had also lost the use of my left arm and left leg and had left side weakness, which made the emergency doctor who came to the house wonder if I’d had a stroke or if the cancer had spread into my brain – spread into the brain is rare with prostate cancer but then so are spread to the liver and lung and my bloody cancer has done that, the bastard.
I had a brain CT, which showed I’d not had a stroke and neither had my cancer gone into my brain. That was a big relief, I can tell you. But my relief was short lived because they also did an MRI on my spine and that showed yet more extensive spread along the whole length of my spine that had not been there a couple of weeks ago.
The way I am now is very fatigued and I have less mobility than a short while ago. I get very breathless as well, especially when talking. Just talking on its own tires me out but if you were thinking of calling, please do, because it’s great to hear from people even if it turns into a two minute conversation with me not saying much. My appetite is still good but I have to really fancy what is put in front of me or it gets left. My legs are swollen with fluid and the skin feels tight. I get a little more pain when trying to get up because the skin tightens even more. All these little things we just take for granted, eh.
Despite how I feel, despite the pain and everything else, I’m still glad to open my eyes in the morning. I’m doing everything I can to ensure I keep on doing that and, like I’ve said before, I couldn’t do it without the support I’ve had from every direction.
Where I am we’ve started to emerge from the worst of the winter (I’m writing that with fingers crossed) and we’ve had a few spring like days with the sun shining. If you stay out of the stiff breeze, and the chill it brings with it, it makes you even more thankful to be alive and I’m hoping to enjoy that feeling for a long time to come.